I recently saw this video on YouTube about shomer negiah.
This guy got it right on the money. When you touch someone you care about it feels great. It feels amazing! But when you are no longer close to that person an you see them after many months an give them a hug, well then it's easy to remember all the good times you had. From experience I know this is true.
Another problem I have with dating, it is 90% social. When you date someone your friends and the persons friends that you date become friends.
The last problem with dating younger then 18, even if you are looking for a person to marry; is people change.
I use to have the biggest crush on someone. 5+ years. I was totally in love with them. I could even picture myself married to this person. But then the person changed, and that was that. The end. So in conclusion; dating younger then 18 or before you are ready to get married is a waste of time, tears, energy, and your friends time listening to you complain. DON'T DO IT
Uch. I sorta have some issues with this.
ReplyDeleteI have many friends who are in relationships and are under 18. These people are in shomer relationships. The world that i live in, it is not a huge deal- the jewish community is very social- one even if relationships that do fail- it looks good shidduchly knowing people. Just because there are very few guys who are willing to be shomer doesn't mean that the relationships that are should be looked down upon. Many of these relationships are more like very close friends of the opposite gender.Another thing is that when you date shomerly you honestly hope you are dating for marriage. Many times if you do meet that person and they do not change then you are good.
If you are in a shomer relationship/ emotional one you are only sticking to it because you feel that you are emotional connected with no physical aspects. Physical relationships are a total different story , they are bound for failure most times ( even without the aspect of it being an avara. i have a friend who in the last year and a half has been with 5 boys.
ReplyDeleteI know this girl and boy, they went to a coed elementary school and now go to single gender schools. They began "dating" when they were in 6th or 7th grade.even though they are not in physical relationship- they are still together.
it is not a likly or probable occurrence- but you just always hope it will happen to you.
Hey jane thanks for your comments. Sense you wrote so much I'll write to comment back.
ReplyDeleteSo about what you were saying regarding how dating shomerly is not a big deal in the world you live in, k fine, but does it make it ok? Is it ok to get emotionally attached to someone who you wont marry? Once you do marry yuo will constantly be comparing your old significant other and your new husband/wife.
one more thing, i personally don't think that a boy and girl can just be good friends, there has to be some sort of physical attraction
ReplyDeleteagain (im now talkingabout comment number 2) being in a realtionship and you only feel emotionally attached, not physicaly, you have friends to talk to about emotions. so go talk 2 them!!!
ReplyDeleteas for the boy and girl who r 12 and "dating" they are 12!! hello when they turn 18 they will for sure be different people.
how can you say that if you are getting emotionally attached to someone that you won't change over time WITH them? and when you say when you get married you'll be constantly comparing your old sig other with them- what exactly does that mean? normally before you get married you should know a little bit more then just a little bit about them before you get in to a marriage and a *physical* relationship.
ReplyDeleteand even if/when there is an physical if you can control yourself ...........
whoops:
didn't clarify that: the boy and girl are now seniors in their own respective single gender high schools. And you would never think that they are dating BKZ look!! dating appears to be a bad scandalous thing- which it is not. the whole idea is that there is a physical attraction but they just DON'T act.
Hey blabla! Welcome to the party! Well to answer ur question about how if your with someone wouldn't u grow with them. Blabla have u ever lost a close friend? If u answered yes then explain to me how. Did u get in a fight? Did the friend change? Well if the friend changed and u guys were so Close wouldn't u change with them?
ReplyDeleteI don't know how to answe your second question 100% accurately cuz I'm not married. I am able to say you'll be comparing how the old person u dated bought u flowers and smelled like x. The new person doesnt buy u anything but calls at night, everynigjt. Etc
I don't understand the rest of ur comment. Can u please rephrasse it so I can answer it.